CinemaStudios Intro[Expanded]

I decided to post this here since this blog is already dead and I didn't feel it was necessary to fill a single Facebook page with a long tirade. I don't use FB much so the reason my self-description was so scamp was because I don't want to be on. But I don't want to be chided for not doing what I'm supposed to do so:

I'm moderately skilled in video editing for the past 4 years and I only started getting better two years ago. I had pretty shoddy equipment (e.g. poor camera with poor mic) so that hindered me until I could afford an HD camera. As an editor, my biggest hurdle of all are deadlines.

At a point, I fell into the craze of reviewing movies/video games, which you can find on my youtube page (I'm not particularly happy with the final products). I grew out of that phase but I believe the actual video making process is the most joy I get out of it all so I'm never too far from making another video game review.

My more serious projects:

1. I was working on a short independent film/black comedy (a la Tarantino style) which had troubles getting off the ground because of some "drama on the set".
   
2. A sketch comedy show was in the works but as the only remaining actor, that didn't go anywhere.
   
3. There is a horror film I've worked on since the end of high school and budget-wise, it's not going so great.
   
4. My latest work is a short 2 minute film about my dogs, which is in essence a narration-less documentary. It's not done yet but it makes me happy working on it.
   

I've done camera work, script writing, sound editing, acting and video editing so I'm moderately experienced in this sort of thing.

I took the course because I want to delve further into film making and use what I already have. I've considered a career in this before and I still haven't ruled it out entirely.

I don't consider myself a film snob but I've been described as one. Mostly because I'm very blunt about the movies I watch. With that said:


I truly disliked the pacing of Salesman. It wasn't the fact that the film was relatively old (black and white films can be great) and I wouldn't have minded if there was some consistency or coherence to what was going on but I honestly could not grasp the point of the film. The message that the film was TRYING to get across was that the salesman's life is one full of struggles, but what the film ended up conveying was that they are the embodiment of mundane, awkward silence. The editing was just unfocused.What could've easily been a condensed 20 minute film about the salesmans' hardships ended up being a long 90 minute mumbling of unintelligible dialogue and constant silence.

Update [02-02-2010]

It was a sad day when I learned that this blog would be going down foreve- Yeah, fuck it. I'm not gonna be all sentimental since I heard from the Midnighter like a week ago about the change. Hope the new site's up soonish and hope you enjoy it. Akira out.

Final Fantasy VII: On a Way To a Smile Denzel [Review?]

So, as I was randomly going through my list of anime to watch, I noticed that I had accidentally downloaded a Blu-ray special that apparently came out on the FF7 Advent Children Blu-ray disc. Let me just start off by saying that this special, or OVA or whatever you want to call it, can go suck a sperm flavored popsicle because it is bad. Very bad to be frank. Why you might ask? Let me say it in as few words as possible. NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT DENZEL. Seriously, he never even existed until they made Advent Children and that movie wasn't that great either. It was basically about 40 minutes of fighting and 50 minutes of lame talk with some chase scenes included because those are always fun to watch. Anyhow, back to this shit special. It sucks.

Denzel is some little cunt who has the geostigma disease and is picked up by Cloud randomly while visiting Aeris' church. It's shown in Advent Children, but in the special it's explained why he's there in the first place. I hate Denzel... I mean, he has no personality. It's like he can be replaced with a diseased brick and you'd get pretty much the same thing. This whole thing is centered around him wanting to enter some kind of WRO which isn't explained anywhere in the FF7 series. So the recruit makes him tell his life story in which I really don't give a fuck either. His parents die. His 'protector' dies. He meets some lady. She dies. He meets some other dude who saves him. That guy dies. He joins some group of kids. They all mysteriously disappear. He meets Cloud and basically ends this whole recollection. Thankfully...

The main problem I have with this piece of shit is the fact that they try to throw in new people that no one really gives a fuck about. Like:

and

or maybe even

WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE AND WHY SHOULD I GIVE A SHIT IF THEY DIE?! Thankfully they all do die and we never hear from them again...except for the first guy... He's the recruit.

I will admit though, some parts of this pile of ass made me laugh. Like this part:

and

Kid... seriously? Poor people eat rats? Nice one.

There's not much else to say about this. I think I already pointed out its major failures. Oh wait, I forgot the most important pic!

Cloud's hairdo always did look weird with its one big spike in the middle, but this looks ridiculous. It looks like he went super-saiyan...

Public Enemies [2009] Review

I've journeyed across the country from one end to the other on one of the most uneventful six hour rides ever experienced in my life. Perhaps it was the painstaking task of reading an assigned text whose context is so fallible that you're wondering whether you're either too stupid to understand the words or too logical to actually suspend your reasoning skills to side with the writer for all the nonfactual bullshit. Or perhaps it was that the complimentary television service was watered down with the types of shows I deliberately try in vain to keep off my radar that vexed me into madness [except House--that man is the shitz].

No. I'll place all the blame on a complimentary movie that was featured on the flight. Considering that I am a typical moviegoer and your average run-of-the-mill critic, when you give me a list of movies that have already gotten onto DVD or Blu-Ray, chances are I've already wasted two to three hours on each movie on whatever list you give me. Passing up some gems like Paranormal Activity and Funny People, I suppose there was a part of me that just wanted to see something that I have not seen yet. So passing up on some obscure Japanese movie that is probably botched by the Engrish translations, a movie just barely managed to catch my attention. I don't know how it didn't.

Public Enemies. It's a story of John Dilinger and the chronicles of his escapades across middle America, robbin' banks and makin' an ass out of the law enforcement. And wouldn't you know it but the notorious Dilinger is played by Johnny Depp, a reputable name in the movie business and standing oppositie him, fresh off his hit roles as the Dark Knight and John Connor [Ugh...I guess], was Christian Bale as the archetypical antagonist/good-guy-you-don't-want-to-win.

So it's Sparrow vs. Batman. Todd vs. Bateman. Wonka vs. Connor.

No. It's nothing like that. It's not even Roe vs. Wade territory. It's ketchup vs. mustard. Pourage vs. Cereal. Dull. dull. dull.

You know, I had high standards for this movie given that the top built actors were two of the most recognizable men in Hollywood. I felt bad. I felt like there was a great injustice to watching this dullfest. If it were just me, I would've had gotten to a certain point and thought that the movie had not lived up to my expectations and that Michael Mann has no grasp on how to make a flick that doesn't involve the occasional twenty second shot of a guy staring into an empty space to accentuate the actor's expression. I get it. He's mad someone shot his friend. Cut away to the next shot. I leave to go to the lavatory down the aisle, come back and Depp is still staring blankly into the camera with the same damn expression he had before I got up.

So I felt terrible but this wouldn't have been such an immense wad of suck if I were alone in watching this and decided to just rip the headphones out and just brace the tranquil sounds of the plane engine roaring and my ears collapsing to the air pressure. What made the whole ordeal worse was that before the movie, I suckered someone else to watch it with me to make the film that much more enjoyable to be able to share in the experience.

This was the cognitive process of the movie:
"Do you find this movie interesting?"
"Eh...kinda...I wanna know what happens."
"They're just talking. And it's not good dialogue."
"Shh! I finally hear the action! I hear gunshots!"
"I hear them too. Turn the screen back on!"
"I didn't turn the screen off!"
"Then up the brightness. I can't see shit!"
"This is the brightest it can go!"
"Wait, if you squint hard enough, you can see people with guns."
"This must be the exciting part. Look, the camera is on Depp. Now it's on Bale. Now Depp. Now Bale."
"Look, Depp got captured. This is like the fourth time but he's gonna die now for sure, I bet."
"No. He escaped."
"Man, they keep letting this guy escape. I bet they're holding back a really climactic ending that'll make it all so clear why Depp had to escape all those times."
"No. Some cop just shot him."
"..."
"That movie was 2 hours and 10 minutes"
"Bull shit. That movie was three hours."

The entire time I was simply questioning if this movie was even slightly interesting. The slightest nod--even of uncertainty--made me hesitate from turning the channel.

Seriously though: It's a god awful movie. I missed out on this review half a year ago when it first came out because I didn't see it. NOW I KNOW WHY. WHY DIDNT I CONTINUE TO LISTEN TO MY BRAIN?

Public Enemies. Top 5 of worst movies of 2009. Say what you like about New Moon, at least I can laugh my fucking ass off in that movie. "What type of vampire can walk in broad daylight and glow?" A shitty movie like that you can just rip to shreds and actually appreciate the drab mess that it is. Public Enemies was an attempt at something GOOD and it BLOWS. Good luck doing your rifftrax for this piece of shit. You'd have an easier time conjuring jokes at the children's hospital for the terminally ill.

Winter 2009/2010 Impressions Part 2

I'm back after watching some new shows and boy some are hit and miss. Here's the scoop.

Cobra the Animation

Goddamnit, I got about 2 minutes into this when I realized what I was watching. 007 James Bond the anime. Sure, the main character's name isn't James Bond, but dear Christ, the Opening song to this anime is so Bond-esque it's not even funny. It's pathetic. And to top it all off the main characters name is Cobra. Why would you name your kid Cobra for God's sake. Main this show really pissed me off. I'll give you the details. Basically we start off with the bad guys chasing some chick who has a key that they want. What does the key do? Fuck it, who cares. So then after about 2 or 3 minutes we find our main character driving what I assume is supposed to be a cool car, but I digress. Shit happens and no one knows what brakes are in this show so the two cars collide in a tunnel. Bad guys come and kill the driver of the tank-like car. The girls lives somehow. Cobra takes off his left arm, I shit you not, and shoots a light, which I presume to be a laser bullet or something, killing one of the flying death machines. Note that the bullets that flying machines were shooting him, completely missed. yeah, he's so good at dodging he doesn't even need to move. So the cops come and they're taken to the hospital.

I eat cereal all the time too, but when I get a broken bone I dont suddenly 'get better'

Cobra has several damaged body parts but has the body of Superman because he can recover at the speed of...a Gecko? The nurse calls him a gecko... Whatever. The bad guys come back again, but Cobra uses his gun arm to make 'em go away. In typical Bond style, the bad guy retreats laughing. It's like, "I LOST! MUWAHAHAH! I WILL GET MY REVENGE! KUKUKUKU!" I never got that. They're running away, but laughing maniacally. It makes no sense. Then we see a short cutscene of Cobra getting drunk and Secret, the girl, get undressed out of a dress. I swear, animators need to stop fapping off to their own work. There are so many goddamn shows that feature at least one titty scene in every episode. The episode ends after they get to their destination and some hooded fellows start appearing around them. I guess this is supposed to be a dramatic scene, but it's somewhat undermined by the preview showing that they're the good guys just coming to retrieve the Key of Shiva. Thanks for the tip animators, I would've never wanted to wait a WHOLE WEEK before knowing that the hooded guys were good. I'm a decent type of guy and if the first episode doesn't impress me, I'll give it an extra 2 episodes to make up my mind. If it doesn't shock and amaze me by then, it'll be in long list of dropped anime.

Yeah, even Bond's one liners weren't this lame...

Durarara

I have no idea why they named it this, but seriously when I saw the name I almost face-desked so hard that it almost broke in half. As per my motto, I give every anime a shot even if it has the worst names in the world. I was pleasantly surprised with this one. It was fairly boring for the first 5 minutes as we meet the main character, I think, and his best friend. All they do is walk around the city talking retardedness. Eventually we sort of switch to a crime in progress when we see a girl get kidnapped. That's when the show starts to pick up for me because in my head I said, Lady, NEVER GO WITH STRANGERS! I mean seriously. It's nighttime and you're an underage girl. Why would you go with some dude you've never met. Anyhow, she gets kidnapped and transported to some parking lot. The bad guys are waiting for the pickup when suddenly some....thing (?) appears out of nowhere on a motorcycle.

Say what...?

Possibly the most awesome thing I've seen in the last month happens next in that one of the bad guys decides to attack the being to which he is greeted with the front tire of the bike. He got faceplanted with the tire of the bike. How much more awesome could that be. Oh, I know. Throw the guy into a stone column with the wheel still in his face. I have no idea how the bike stayed in that position for a while because I'd expect it to fall forward and snap the guy in half. Whatever. So the cohorts shit their pants and start panicking to which the 2nd guy goes down. The third drives away with the Masked person in hot pursuit. The 3rd guy tries to take him down by stopping suddenly making the bike go out of control and the helmet to fall off our hero. Presuming it's dead, the guy gets out of the car with a knife. The thing GETS UP WITH NO HEAD! FUCKING AWESOME! AND THEN IT PULLS OUT A SCYTHE FROM WITHIN ITSELF AND KILLS THE GUY. EVEN MOAR AWESOME! I'm looking forward to the next couple of episodes to cement my interest in this show.

Get faceplanted with a motorcycle bitch!

Chu-bra

I'm not really sure what to say about this one. It's one of those lolita shows that takes place with a female cast set in the first year of junior high school...I think... Half the time I can't tell if they're 16 or 6. Especially when you have one chick who's flat as a board and the other as busty as a 21 year old. All I know is, it made me laugh at certain points. There were some weird parts like, a junior high girl being an "underwear monitor" or the fact that she's deeply in love with them. I have no idea why, nor is it explained further. Only that she loves bras and panties. It's one of those shows you hate to love because it's about girls... Doing nothing but talking. It's sort of like Naisho no Tsubomi except a lot longer.

Can I get her number please?

The funnier thing about this anime is that the people around the main characters all think the main character is a prostitute. Lolz ensue. By the end of the episode they see her groping the busty girl's breasts and start spreading rumors that she's a lesbian. More lolz ensue. I will definitely keep my eye on this one. The only thing that saddens me is that the subs for this show are pathetically bad.

I'm sorry, but could you repeat that?

Omamori Himari

NEKOMIMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look, I like cats, ok? When I see catgirls in anime, that's already a plus. When I see swords that's a mega plus. When I see perverted catgirls who can swing swords and beat the living crap out of monsters, I'm already almost at my limit before going crazy. So yeah, the story starts off with our main character. He's some regular dude, but is of Monster slayer blood, so all the mosters want him dead. Except for our catgirl friend who swore an oath to never betray the family. The ironic thing about all this is that our main character is allergic to cats. Hilarity ensues. What I don't understand though is that he only gets the allergic reaction when she pokes out her cat ears and tail. Other times he's completely fine.

Ironic, aint it...

We also have his childhood friend character who only pisses me off because it's blatantly obvious she's in love with him and he doesn't know. Yes, it pisses me off when I see that 90% of anime have a girl who's infatuated with the guy, but doesn't say anything but blush all the time. So yeah, definitely worth a watch. Can't wait for the next episodes.

HIIIIIIIIIIIII! DONT EAT ME!!!!!!!

Kaitou Reinya

This one gets a short mention because the episodes are only 3 minutes long, but I did have a couple of laughs at this one. Basically we have some catgirl thing...I think? She's a thief who steals anything gold related. The cops are too stupid to protect anything even when she gives forewarning. This reminds me of Lupin. Anyhow, she has this mouse which gets tortured anytime he says something stupid. She goes so far as to stick him into a microwave and then blend him into fine powder. I didn't think mice could turn into powder. I was expecting something more like a smoothie of blood and meat, but I guess logic doesn't work in anime. The animation is also what drew my attention. It's not your typical japanese type of animation. It reminds me more of the shit America makes. Sort of like comic animation instead of manga like. Feels weird comparing western animation with eastern, but whatever.

It's the new drug. Powdered mice.

More first impressions yet to come since not all of the shows have either aired yet or been subbed. Enjoy the rest of the weekend. Akira out.

Back to the Future [Games]

Oh boy. Wait till you guys hear the commentary on this. It's a doozy. The rendering time for this video was ludicrous. And for some bizarre reason--though not completely irrational--the video is 105% its original speed. That tiny speed increase made everything seem a lot more clunky and poorly paced. Then again, I'm making excuses for myself but after ten days of work on this, there's nothing less comforting than seeing your hard work get botched.

But I digress. The video's currently on Youtube but I didn't intend to upload to them at first. As you can guess, I have yet another problem with their half assed service. I had to re-render the videos to another format--a format which Youtube stated they cannot support. It worked. The ones they claimed would work didn't.

Winter 2009/2010 Impressions

First impressions of the Winter 2009/2010 season were not good. I saw the lineup and thought to myself, oh fuck this season is gonna suck so badly. Except for a few shows I was looking forward to, I believe this season will suck pretty bad. Although I'm not one to be prejudiced before I actually see the show. Even if the shows do suck, it'll give me material to rant about. I'm all for being surprised and finding some new gems in the ruts.

Sora no Woto

If you don't think this is similar to K-ON, you must be blind from being too retarded. Now, lemme back up a bit. Earlier on in the year a show named K-ON came out. Up until about the halfway point it was about 4 girls eating cakes, drinking tea, and playing rock music. Then, for the next half it was about 5 girls eating cakes, drinking tea, and playing rock music. I am not shitting you. I'm definitely gonna do a review on that show sometime in the future because it's a fairly controversial one. It was you either loved it or hated it. Back to Sora no Woto... Yeah, its basically the same thing as stated above without the eating cakes, drinking tea, and playing rock music. Don't get what I mean? Well, after the first episode I can only say that the art is exactly the same, the characters can be compared to each other very closely, and it's about music. Only in this show, the music is in the military. When the hell did the army make a division solely devoted to playing the trumpet.

Yeah, we all join the ARMY to learn to play music.
I never knew they devoted a platoon to trumpet playing.

Ookami Kakushi

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!? While watching this episode I was extremely confused for a number of reasons. The main one being, WHY THE HELL IS EVERYONE SO NICE TO THE MAIN MALE PROTAGONIST?! The main character being Keiichi- I mean, Hiroshi. They're too similar to tell the difference. Seriously though, transfer students are not welcomed by every single person in the class and become GREAT friends after only a couple of days. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!? Another WTF moment I had was even earlier than that when the main female protagonist, Isuzu, came out of nowhere and started hugging Hiroshi. Seriously, she just saw him once and started grabbing him as if they were childhood friends or something. This does not happen in real life. Im sorry. Sure it's an anime, but fuck, I don't want to see random crap like this happen. Now another problem I had right off the bat with this show in general is that it's a rehash of one of mt favorites, Higurashi no Naku Koro ni. This might be because it's from the same writer, but the characters are too similar.

Hiroshi is practically a clone of Keiichi minus the perverted nature. Isuzu is too closely related to Mion in that they're both extremely tomboyish. Although Isuzu is much more open about her love for Hiroshi, while Mion is extremely secretive of her love for Keiichi. Kaname is a re-tread of Rena. Both of them being outsiders that moved to the city some time before the main character, Hiroshi or Keiichi, move there at the beginning of the anime. Now, Nemuru is a wildcard at the moment because she didn't have many scenes in episode 1, but I believe she will turn out to be a Rika copy. Rika had her inner self that was mature way past her body, Frederika. I'm gonna assume right from the beginning that those 2 are closely linked.

Yeah, this joke has been done before but,
"OH NO! STAIRS! A cripple's one weakness!"

Hanamaru Youchien

I was fairly surprised by this right from the beginning when watching it. I didn't really give it a chance when I was looking at the local listing of shows to be aired. I'm one of those judge a book by its cover but at least give it one episode to impress and that episode did it for me. It gave me a lot of nostalgic factor like when I was watching Kodomo no Jikan. Just without the perverted girls that are constantly harassing the teacher. Although there is a part where the main little girl says, "I want to be your bride." and the mother who's standing there says as well, "I'll do whatever in my power to get him to marry you." To be honest, I'd shit my pants if a 4 year old girl came up to me and said she wanted to marry me. Especially since earlier in the episode he came up to her and she said, "Are you coming onto me?" in an excited tone of voice. At that point in time, I was putting an oreo into my mouth after dunking it in my exquisite glass of milk and proceeded to almost choke on it, since it was totally unexpected and completely random.

Quickly going back to Kodomo no Jikan, they both had a scene in which the main girl fell from a tree only into the arms of said male teacher, in which they suddenly fall in love with the teacher. What the fuck? If I knew it was that easy to impress girls, Id always be looking up to see if I saw any falling girls. I hope this show lives up to my expectations in the future.

Er....Seriously...A 4 year old proposed to me...*suicide*

Dance in the Vampire Bund

Well, this wasn't what I was really expecting in episode 1 mainly for one reason. The manga didn't start off this way. Especially in this retarded manner. The whole interview thing was a waste of an episode. It only established the fact that vampires exist which the manga did simply. They just came out on the news and said WE EXIST and paid off the entire Japanese debt in order to build their own country and stuff. Who the hell knows why they would come out in the open after such a long time in the shadows. It's later explained in the manga that the Princess decided that they'd build a city where vampires could come out in the open, but that's "to be found out" in the anime since it only started airing now. Getting back onto the episode, it's basically a true/false show on the existence of vampires. The first half of it is pretty boring as they only talk and crack some really lame jokes. Like this one chick thinks that vampires aren't real because she's anemic. OH HAR HAR HAR, I GET IT! VAMPIRES WOULDN'T LIKE HER BECAUSE SHE HAS LITTLE BLOOD! OH HAHAHA... Yeah, it doesn't get any better than that last one.

What I will say that was awesome was the vampire self-destructing in obedience to the Princess. He stabbed himself with his own arm while screaming like a lil bitch. SO AWESOME! We're also /sort of/ introduced to one of the main characters, but he's only shown for like 30 seconds and by the episode's standard, deemed extremely unimportant. The only reason I know who he is, is because I read the manga before this show aired. This is definitely a must watch for 2 reasons. Naked lolis, which I'm not really expecting since its anime and most anime is so censored up the ass that you cant see any skin behind walls of sunshine or fog or whatever else they can think up. The other reason being this is one of the few action shows that will come on. Especially considering the current trend of new anime to show a bunch of girls doing nothing.

Yes Hime-sama! *commits seppuku*

Ladies vs Butlers

Dear Christ almighty this is a weird one. In the first 30 seconds you have some random dude breathing heavily as if he just ran 30 miles on top of a girl with the longest hair possible. It's also in the most awkward shape of a drill. HOW THE FUCK!? How in the hell could she get her hair into that position. It makes no sense. I mean, I've seen hair drills before, but this one takes the cake. Continuing on though, there are a LOT of BBW in this show. Actually, this entire show is either BBW or DFC, for the nubs BBW = Big Breasted Woman and DFC = Delicious Flat Chest. So, from what I gather about the school in the first episode is that it's a school for maids/butlers to learn to serve their masters, who also go to the school. Makes no sense to me, but we'll roll with it. So basically our main male protag is a transfer student. He comes to school for the first day and makes a big mess of anyone he comes into contact with. I mean seriously, the girls were fainting just by looking at him. He'd run past them and they'd faint... *facepalm*

So eventually after running throughout practcally the entire school, he finally ends up with the girl that is assigned to show him the ropes. Apparently they knew each other in grammar school and what I'm going to say next sounds weird in my head, but was about as weird when I actually read it on screen. She tells the entire group of girls chasing our protag that in grammar school he wanted to group up and become a cute bride. I shit you not. I'll even provide pics to prove it. When I saw that I was unsure if I should cry or laugh because it was just so weird...What I can say though is, this show is pretty uncensored, which is surprising. Near the end of the episode you have literally 20-30 seconds of naked girls taking showers. They're screenshots, but still nipples are shown. A rarity in anime. I'll definitely continue on this show hoping that it wont fail my expectations in being funny as hell.

I hope I can find some gold in those holes...

That's all the time I have for now. Next week I'll have more Winter season impressions. Enjoy...whatever holidays are coming up sooner or later... I need to think up a catch phrase to end reviews with... *Leaves thinking pensively*

Avatar [Short] Review

This is long overdue and it would be more than just frivolous to give a review of a movie that practically everyone has already seen. I held back on this for the longest time so I could have gotten the IMAX 3D experience and once you watch this, you'll know how I truly feel about the nonstop eyeball-gouging that took place in that theater.

For the rest of you willing to devote a second of their time, here are some of my more in depth, fractious impressions on the movie. I already stated it was identical to every Pocahontas-type story you've ever heard in your entire life. So for me to claim that the story was far from original is something I can easily defend on the grounds that this movie just catered to a PG-13 audience by revamping an archetypal story and making redskins into blueskins. Much to my chagrin, it was quite similar to District 9 in that everyone was so enraptured by a story about ethics and morals THAT EVERYONE ALREADY HEARD BEFORE.

I don't want to hammer this in anymore than I have to because I already had enough headaches from the movie. I don't need to altercate with anyone to prove my point. I think the movie was adequate and that the hype was all over an exceedingly shallow reason: the eye candy. Headache or not, I enjoyed it to a certain degree. But I didn't pay 18.50 to sit there and look at pretty lights and colors [To be frank, I didn't pay at all; Thanks sis]. I wanted to be riveted by the story. I almost expected the Navi to break into song and dance with animated birds and deer prancing about.

And during those two and a half prattling hours just sitting there trying to bear it out, all I wanted to do was go to the projector and fast forward the damn flick. There was too much filler and the I didn't quite care for it. Once the settlers--I mean sky people--start tearing down the Native American landscape--I mean Pandora, I was actually expecting the movie to wrap up with some epic confrontation. Nope. They were saving that for the next hour. Thankfully, the payoff was good and the action sequence was a spectacle to behold from first over-the-top death to the last. Me being the sick fuck that I am, I enjoyed watching people die in glorious and inventive ways.

So that wraps it all up. It was decent. There weren't too many specific thing that stuck out in my mind aside from the following. It isn't a spoiler in many regards but it will indeed taint your perception of the scene if you have seen it already or plan to see it.

When Jake pursues the girl, he stops and is shrouded with these white, glowing jellyfish flying all about. He is told to just stand still and let them all land on him, covering him from head to toe. Again, I might just be a sick fuck but something about that turned me into a tittering, immature child.

Here's a complaint I'd like to make but it isn't specifically putting movies like Avatar on trial but rather every other movie of this sort. Putting the allegory aside, we have a white man serving as a diplomat to an indigenous tribe and knew very well what his people were scheming. It turns out that this man is a born leader of the indigenous kind and can lead them to victory which no other indigenous person can. I cannot believe how offensive this recurring plot thread is and how undermining it is to those who actually did have to fend their sacred lands from invaders. You'd just have to try to look past the ethical implications of that so you can focus on the more explicit ethical implications that the movie is spitting at you.

Update [1-10-2010]

Hmmmm....Yeah, I promised a review and to be honest I don't know which I would personally want to write first. I was planning on doing my first impressions of the Winter 2009/2010 season, and I will in due time, but I also wanted to finish my current show, Kanokon. I also watched Zoku Natsume Yuujinchou recently and I wanted to share my thoughts on that one as well, but there're things that are hampering my time right now. First of all, to give back to the anime community, I am what is known as a fansubber. I'm not going to tell you my nick because then you'll hound me forever, but thats been consuming my entire weekend. Working on the new anime that has come out in the last couple of days, such as Ookami Kakushi, Baka Test, Qwaser, and Dance in the Vampire Bund for several different groups. Again I'm not going to say anything since that will cause you to stalk me outright forever. Another thing hampering my efforts would be my parents. As I posted a while ago, they're extremely annoying. Now even moreso that I'm on vacation. Expect some new updates soonish.

Kingdom Hearts Series Impression

Ever wondered what it'd be like to have Jack Sparrow and Goofy in the same room? Ever wanted a video game where they fucked up everything that was memorable about Tron by not having anything to do with the source material? Ever thought of seeing Cloud Strife tearing up a storm with a sword that is wrapped in a cloth for some unknown reason [I guess it makes it...hurt more?] while Mickey Mouse is ravaging every moving thing on screen? Because when you think Disney, you think Mickey killing everything with a blunt weapon.

If you're one of these people or the many other overly philosophical and emotionally unstable fans, you should know what the Kingdom Hearts series is. Take one company known for its over-the-top melodramatic video games with swords, magic and SUV-sized poultry and another company known for making cartoons about anthropomorphic characters getting the ax and making the audience weep over a fucking deer. Combine the two and you have Kingdom Hearts, a video game series that appeared simple and clean [if you got a chuckle out of this, you are officially a nerd] until you realize that the plot is so convoluted, you'll start to question the meaning of life.

The first game was profound in its fast and addictive gameplay, the interesting yet deceptively complicated story, and a warranted ability to invoke a sense of nostalgia from the audience. "Aw. It's Winnie the Pooh. I remember Pooh. Aw look, he's eating hunny! Just like the movie. Oh Pooh, you're so Hy-LAR-rious!"

After the positive feedback from the first game and the fact that the ending left absolutely no closure at all, Kingdom Hearts II was released. After four years of waiting, I was able to relive the Kingdom Hearts experience and even enjoy the improved gameplay mechanics and interactive combat system.

The story sucked ass. The Disney worlds sucked ass. Everything else about the game sucked ass.

• Why does Sanctuary sound like nail on a chalkboard?
• Why do we have to endure Stepmania type levels in Atlantica?
• Why is Ursula alive again without explanation?
• Why is Hercules a complete pussy?
• Why does Jack Sparrow sound more like Tim Curry than Johnny Depp?
  
• Why is Roxas so useless and boring?
• Why does Sora look like he's doubled in age over the past year?
• Why does Goofy sound like he's taking philosophy classes?
• What the fuck is Organization XIII?
• Why do they want to have hearts again?
• Who the fuck are the Nobodies?
• Why the fuck are they called Nobodies?
• What happened to the Heartless?
• Why aren't the Nobodies called Heartless since they don't have hearts?
• Why are we paying so much attention to people called NOBODIES?
• What is so immoral about collecting hearts?
• Why are we stopping these people from collecting hearts?
• Why are we spending the entire game devoted to stopping these people from collecting hearts?
• Why do they say darkness is eternal when in the original, we've already established darkness can be vanquished?
• Why did Riku turn into Ansem/Xehanort/Xehanort's Heartless/that black guy?
• Why does a stupid piece of cloth covering his eyes stop him from becoming Ansem/Xehanort/Xehanort's Heartless/that black guy?
• Why is there another Ansem?
• What happened to the original villain also called Ansem?
• Why did they suddenly start calling him Xehanort's Heartless?
• Who the fuck is Xehanort?
• Why is Xemnas called Xemnas when he's obviously Xehanort?
• Why can't any of these people have normal names?

The story had gotten into such a tangent that I was just hoping the story would go back to basics and return to that epic fight against the Heartless, the minions of darkness. Not this fucking group of people for no discernible reason aside from "They're bad people because they want to be whole again...THEY MUST DIE!"

In case none of these unanswered questions ever occurred to you in the game, just remember: They put Jack Sparrow in the game. Jack Sparrow: pillager of lands, womanizer, potential rapist, heavy drinker, master criminal. You know, A PIRATE. And what baffles me is that Peter Pan cameos in the game. I think the universe should've imploded at that point.

But Kingdom Heart II's plot seemed downright inspired compared to the abomination that was Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories for the Game Boy Advance and a remake for the PlayStation2. It was released before the second game to bridge the gap between the games and explain more new plot elements and knock off a few Organization members so you wouldn't have to deal with all thirteen in one game.

This game is...

I believe that sums it up perfectly. It's Disney + Final Fantasy + Magic the Gathering all in one. How can you go wrong? I suppose if you look past the shitty controls, complex card system, excessive deck management, deck construction limitations, and incredibly stupid plot, this game isn't half bad. It's like trying to find the better qualities in dog vomit. You might overlook the pungent smell or grotesque nature of this because you're stubborn enough to love anything Kingdom Hearts related.

If you like the idea of a playing Yu-Gi-Oh with more headaches and complicated rules, this might be for you but this game was such a letdown for me the very instant I picked it up and played it, particularly the Game Boy Advance version. With merely four buttons to choose from, I was so relieved when the PS2 version finally came out and allowed me to utilize twice as many. But I didn't expect many changes. The story still sucked and once again, a plethora of questions plagued my mind.

Sora goes into a big, spooky, questionably-dangerous mansion alone. His fighting capabilities are gimped beyond recognition and he has to fight with cards. I cannot begin to fathom how that works.

Once he's in there, he is told that he plays a seminal role in the villains' scheme and that it is vital for him to lose important memories. By the end of the game, he is forced to go into an indefinte slumber to regain the memories that he lost while losing all memory of everything that occurred in the game. This all must have been unavoidable. After all, when I'm given the option of staying put with my friends or choosing to go inside a large, ominous castle that appeared out of thin air after some mysterious and possibly threatening man with a foreboding presence predicts something bad will occur to me, I'd choose the latter like any sane person would.

So you'd think that the story would return to the way things were and continue the story of Sora's plight against the Heartless and the powers of darkness. I can't wait for Kingdom Hearts III.

Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days was announced for the Nintendo DS which continued the story of Roxas and took place simultaneously with Chain of Memories. All right. I can't wait for Kingdom Hearts III.

Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep is a game for the Playstation Portable and will focus on three keyblade warriors who had brief appearances and references in Kingdom Hearts II and will occur ten years prior to the very original game. Cool. Kingdom Hearts III?

Kingdom Hearts Coded is a Japan only game on mobile devices which will chronicle the story of a digitized Sora in a cyber Kingdom Hearts universe which explains why Mickey found an unexplained entry in Jimminy Cricket's journal. FINE. Where the hell is Kingdom Hearts III?!

Tetsuya Nomura, the leading man behind the series, has announced that another spinoff game will be released tying in the connections between these games. So no Kingdom Hearts III?

Kingdom Hearts: Irrelevent Plot will be released from MyAss and will explain why Sora's feet are bigger than his face and Donald will massacre his teammates because he is tired of people never understanding what he is saying. There is no Kingdom Hearts III.


Out of all those tangential games announced since Kingdom Hearts II, I was only able to play 358/2 Days, the only one released stateside thus far. Why is it called 358/2 Days? During an interview, Nomura explained that once the story has completed, an explanation why this game is called that will be revealed.

That was a lie, of course but you tend to forget that. For all we care, this game is called Kingdom Hearts: The Weird Numbered One. How did the game fair? If you purchased the game, you made the right choice because it was fun and it brought the an authentic experience of Kingdom Hearts to the DS.

The story sucked. Are you really surprised? Forget Sora. Forget Kairi. Forget Donald and Goofy. What you have is Roxas, the emo punktard from the beginning of Kingdom Hearts II. At least you unearth a few more details about his past in this game that you didn't know from KHII. Did you know that Roxas was always a whiny, emotional, naive, pathetic, pointless moron? I'm pretty sure they didn't explain that enough in KHII so here's a game dedicated to elaborating on that. At least now you can now play as Roxas while he was still with the Organization. I like playing a game when I know how it's going to end. Now beware. I'm venturing into Spoiler Territory so highlight to read.

The only real reason anyone plays is to learn more about Xion, the supposed fourteenth member of the organization. The story builds a great amount of mystique and suspense behind this character as if she is essential to the entire Kingdom Hearts series' canon.

She dies. Everyone forgets her.

Why do they keep making games with people forgetting other people?!

Well, at least the gameplay is fun right? It was quite inventive for them to adopt a slot-based system to equip weapons, magic, items and even to level up. It was one of the better nuances of the game.

While the game is fun, it wasn't without its flaws and I swear if you do not complain about these flaws yourself, then you are only lying to yourself.

• The camera is terrible. The camera will be locked in the worst possible angles at the wrong times.
• They don't give you the option to change the camera controls until you get to a certain point in the game.
• The auto-lock will turn on when you get too close to an enemy and the camera will lock up. If you get too far from an enemy, the auto-lock on will turn off and the camera instantly readjusts itself behind Roxas and can be very disorienting.
• They swapped the places where the Jump button and the Attack button were located and can be hard to get used to.
• When flying in the original game, you press the Jump button to ascend and the Dodge button to go down. In this game, you press the Jump button to descend and the Dodge button to go up, which defies all logic.

Overall, you can pick up the game and enjoy it but rest assured that these problems will come back and bite you in the ass time to time when you're forced to multitask fighting two Heartless simultaneously in a room the size of a stovetop.

With Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep officially released in Japan as of today, I figured that it would be appropriate to do a little recap on the series. For all the harsh criticism I give the series, I stopped caring for the plot and moved onto just focusing on the gameplay and after seeing the PSP game's impressive trailers, I'm already psyched.

What does the future of the series entail? I don't care anymore. It should've ended with Kingdom Hearts II but some of you may like the four million spinoffs, Final Mixes, Final Mix+, remakes, and whatever else KH related that doesn't really progress the storyline at all. For me, I'm just waiting for Sora to go back to roots and fight the Heartless. After all the bashing I give the series these days, I'm still a big fan of the original and the depth in the simple but epic story. It may not belong on the list of Top 200 but it sure stands out as one of the most memorable games.

A Note [Jan 8, 2010]

Hey everyone. I'm just doing this post because I'm in a massive rut right now and I was going to do a few updates and things for fun until I came across a bit of information which completely decimated my mood. I've never come this close to a break down before and it's something that I feel it should be best kept to myself. It's a disappointing bit of information which could ruin me.

So I'm going to be off the net for a little while until I feel at ease again. I feel the world crumbling around me and the last thing I can do right now is try to think of material, let alone laugh at my own self pity.

I'll try to get some more updates when I can and I'll see what I can do to put my mind at ease.

UPDATE: I can't believe I've already gotten past the nadir of this problem but I suppose I just tried my very best to look beyond the negatives and tried to think of how I can remedy all this. Although there is little I can do to fix this and save myself from this horrible state that I am in, I don't want to dwell on it and I have work to do. The last thing I need is another debilitating distraction. With that said, let me move onto a few things that have occurred as of late so I can at least try to focus my energy on some things more positive. I was originally going to post this all via video log but seeing that I did not have it prerecorded and that I look like I'm about to burst into a million unfathomable tears, I'll just post them as I can.

I underestimated the rogue antivirus that was infecting my computer. It was a pretty virulent virus and it had spread so far that even post-quarantine, it did not allow me to use certain web browsers. Thankfully, I figured out where the malware was hiding and I nuked the sonuvabitch. In short, I cleaned up the manure smeared all over my computer.

Before you vindicate me, save your moral objections because we all know I have a hacked Wii. It was a version 3.4U and it was capable of hacking games to be played the way I intended them to be played. For instance: my version of Super Smash Bros. Brawl is no longer a slow, uncompetitive, no learning curve, incredibly lenient game and can now be played the way that was best designed for someone like me. I still purchase games and I still support Nintendo but once I purchase their products, I can do whatever the hell I want with it. End of story. I suppose the litigious side of it doesn't equate to that and Nintendo ensured that anyone not playing by their rules will be fucked royally by Shigeru Miyamoto's giant pipe. My Wii was unexplainably upgraded to 4.0U and thus all the hours of hacks and pimping done to the game went down the crapper. Thank god for the Homebrew community for their persistence to making sure Nintendo keeps their hands to themselves because I have finally gotten the system back to the way things were: hax0rs.

Here's a game I'd like to call Spot-The-Errors



If you don't see a problem with these posts, then you were just like me. I must have the worst sense of time. It was bad enough that I put 2009 for certain posts but it was inexcusable for me to still think it was December. You won't find these on the original posts anymore seeing that I just fixed these errors but it's something so embarrassing, I figured I shouldn't overlook it.

Last but not least, I need to speak to you all about a few videos and projects I've been working on and in particular, I should really get to work on the Final Fantasy XII Part III review. The first two parts were done under very short time and it's really not all that hard to guess that I improvised part II by just showing you the going-ons of the game. But expect the next part to dive much deeper into the game itself. I had hinted at another video in a previous post but I decided to back down on that one because I realized that I had too many priorities and had already promised to continue FFXII. I'll release that another time and if I may, I'll even get around to working on yet another video, which will be the first of many in a video series. I'll hold my tongue because I'm having a ton of fun with this one and I can only hope it has a good payoff when I'm done.

I think that's all and I'm actually feeling much better. Perhaps I'm just neglecting the subject matter which is making me feel like crap but I don't wish to wallow in my own misery for the rest of my vacation. I'm hoping things will turn out for the best and even if they don't, I can only hope that I will make the best out of it.

Omegle

I recently chanced upon a new thing that I found on the internetz. Omegle. Yes, it's a very strange name for a site that lets you talk to random people also known as strangers. Yeah it's one of those sites that connects you with another person from across the world randomly. However you never know what you're going to get. 90% of the time when I connected to someone the other person either A) disconnected right away or B) asked me my asl, to which I responded, "WHY DO YOU FUCKERS KEEP ASKING THAT!?"

Yeah, I know Im getting upset at nothing, but still. Im just some dude. I don't wanna webcam or see anyone naked, especially not men. Dear God. I just want to have a normal conversation, to which I had the pleasure of having one normal conversation with someone from Virginia. Strange, I know.

After being disconnected about 50 times, I thought to myself, why not start trolling anyone I get connected to. So I did. I researched some of the more common meme's to be started on omegle. What I came up with might've been one of the most random things I've ever seen yet just as funny. It's a modern warfare 2 meme in which you start off with the word STAR. If the person doesnt respond, you tell your troops to STAY FROSTY. If they respond with anything other than TEXAS, you are allowed to OPEN FIRE. If they disconnect its a kill for you. If they say TEXAS, then your response has to be WHERE'S YOUR UNIT. The proper response to that would be WHISKEY HOTEL. With that, you know they can be trusted, so you tell them, WE'RE OSCAR MIKE.

Upon doing this a couple times, I've only received a favorable response once and Ill just post a bit of it:

You: STAR

Stranger: texas

You: WHERE IS YOUR UNIT

Stranger: jacking off at the whiskey hotel

You: O OK

You: RAMIREZ TAKE HIM IN

Stranger: whaddup my /b/rother?

You: chillin

You: first one not to dc on me

You: XD

Stranger: haha ps i think im the only girl doing this

You: =O

You: girls on the internet?

Stranger: :D

You: thats in direct violation of rule 29 and 30

You: =P

Stranger: i kickass

You: lol

Stranger: haha

Stranger: me a ramirez be killin and taken names

You: Tango be takin some hits though

Stranger: not yet

You: I wonder what they drink at the whiskey hotel

You: I bet its vodka

Stranger: whisky? no!

Stranger: yea vodka

You: psh, thats to lure you in

You: make you think its whisky

You: so you stay FROSTY COOL

Stranger: psh yea!

You: its really a russian hideout

You: hence the vodka

You: RAMIREZ WITHDRAW THE TROOPS

Stranger: why are our units there??

You: it was a trap!

Stranger: omgeezy!

You: OH NOES

You: THEY'VE CAPTURED PVT OSCAR IKE

Stranger: RAMIREZ, TIME TO KICK ASS

You: RAMIREZ FLANK THE LEFT

You: WE'RE SAVING PVT RYAN AND BIG IKE

Stranger: REMIREZ SAVE THE RUM!

You: RAMIREZ BLOW UP THE GREY GOOSE

Stranger: REMIREZ SEE DEAD PEOPLE

You: OH FUCK, THEY GOT IKE

Stranger: DAMN GHOSTS

You: RAMIREZ GET RYAN OUTTA THERE

You: DRAG IKE IF YOU NEED TO

Stranger: REMIREZ SAVE JIM CARREY!

You: OMG, JIM NO!

Stranger: NO WORRIES HE GOTT'EM

You: OIC, RAMIREZ GO INTO THE BACK AND KILL THE RUSSIANS

Stranger: I EAT RUSSIAN FOR BREAKFAST they are part of a balanced diet

You: OYEAH!? I EAT RAMIREZ FOR BREAKFAST

You: oshi-

You: we lost Ramirez

Stranger: RAMIREZ TAKE OUT THIS BASTARD

Stranger: I HAVE MY OWN RAMIREZ

You: OSHI-

You: NOWAI

Stranger: OH YEA

You: SHADOW RAMIREZ TAKE OUT ENEMY RAMIREZ

Stranger: OMG WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING??

You: I have nfi

You: roll with it

You: =D

Stranger: HAHA, RAMIREZ FUCK THEM BASTARDS

You: RAMIREZ REPORT

Stranger: WE SAVED JIM CARREY

Stranger: AND HANNAH MONTANA

You: Ramirez: We've taken over Whiskey Hotel and saved Jim Carrey and Hannah Montanna

Stranger: WHO TOLD RAMIREZ TO SAVE HANNAH MONTANA????

You: FUCK

You: KILL HER NOW

Stranger: DEATH

Stranger: DEATH

Stranger: DEATH

Stranger: DEATH

You: +1 CONFIRMED KILL

Stranger: DEATH

Stranger: YUS

You: GOOD RIDDANCE

You: RAMIREZ, GO FIND ME SOME BEER

You: +10 COOL POINTS

Stranger: OMG WE FORGOT SUPER MODLE HEIDI CLUM!

You: OSHI-

You: RAMIREZ NEW ORDERS

You: FUCK THE BEER

You: THEN SAVE HEIDI

Stranger: REVERSE THAT

You: BUT WHY

You: OK FINE

Stranger: FUCK HEIDI THEN SAVE THE BEER

You: OSHI-

You: DIDNT THINK OF THAT ONE

You: MISSION COMPLETE

Stranger: YUSSS

You: STAY FROSTY my /b/sister

You: lol

Stranger: STAY FROSTY mt /b/rother

Stranger: my*

Stranger: damn

You: OSCAR MIKE

You: OUT

Stranger: oh yes

Yeah it goes on and on after that, but yeah it's pretty fun when someone actually responds favorably. Although it's also fun confusing the other person when they have no idea what the hell you're talking about. Oh yeah, since it's been almost a week since my previous review, expect one tomorrow morning.